Facebook status response

I posted this status on Facebook 

around 6-7 hours ago..

"I had an ego caramel magnum, I had a cupcake with the delicious frostings, I had a cherry danish thing with french/whipped cheeeeeeeeese.. I had a saaaalad with chicken, I got me a packet of crackers and like 100g of hummus. I smashed that bitch up. Y U HATIN'>>? I did it in bed. U KNOW Y? Easy access to laying down afterwards. IN FACT, my mother just woke me up and I was like, "IS IT YAZ TIME ALREADY?" because I take Yaz contraceptive pill as soon as I wake up each morning and she's like "No you idiot, you slept for 3 hours! GET UP LENACHKA! WE GO-ENG TO DAH DOK-TER TOMORREW :3" Seriously though, it did go like that I just can't caption my mum's Russian accent in text. IMPOSSIBRU!"

Someone I know commented with this -

Think of a guy doing the worst ever russian accent in any cartoon ever and 

that's what I imagine your mum sounds like. Like, all the time. 

Because everyone knows that even russian women have manly voices

2 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1

Actually, I thought it was HILARIOUS! 

See, it's funny cuz it's true.

Let's all laugh at my stupid, lame-ass jokes!

To spice things up in the bedroom


department, my wife and I agreed to try some role 

reversal.

She went to a Sex toy shop and got a strap-on.


That night she put it on. 

I cuddled, kissed and fondled her.

Then she went to mount me.


And I told her to piss off because I was tired.

-----------------------------------------------

Spongebob is an absorbent sponge that lives in Bikini 

Bottom.... So does that make him a Tampon?

Equal opportunity.

MAKE LITTLE THINGS COUNT.

TEACH MIDGETS MATH!

Black Humour #2

One day, a farmer woke up to find that all 100 of his 

cows had died. 

Without his cows, he is ruined. 

So he goes to the nearby lake, and drowns himself.

The oldest brother wakes up, reads the note left by his 

father, and decides that life isn't worth living. 

So he goes to the lake to drown himself as well. 

There is a mermaid there. 

She tells the boy that if he can screw her 5 times, 

she will resur

rect his father, and the cows. 

Anyway, the boy tries his best, but only can do it 3 

times. So, she kills him.

The second oldest brother goes to the lake to drown 

himself, and the mermaid is there. 

She says that if he screws her 10 times in a row, she 

will resurrect his father, brother, and cows. 

He tries his best, but only can get it up 8 times.

The youngest brother then goes to the lake. 

The mermaid tells him that he must do it with her 20 

times. 

He looks at her, bemused, and then says 

"What about 100 times? Or 200?"

The mermaid goes "Err, you think that you can handle 

it?"

And he replies "Sure! How do you think all the cows

died???"

Black Humour #1

Two gays are driving down the street when they see a 

dog on the side of the road licking his prick. 

"I sure wish I could do that," said the one gay. 

To which the other replied, 

"Don't you think you ought to pet him first??"

Stuff..s

BEST.EVER.LOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Totoro here is almost 12 years old (currently now in the year of 2012). He was a gift..

HEH HEH HEH