so.. SO MY PEOPLE. MY GOOD PEOPLE.
TODAY! I ventured along on a browse to Chapel St in Melbourne after seeing the G.P. and the Optometrist.. Well Optometrist first but, ANYWAY!
I go me.. I do me.. I go for a browse with my backpack and reusable bag full of books.
I go into a vintage store and ask in these words, "Excuse me, may I please put my stuff behind the counter, pop out of the store for 5 minutes for a smoke and come back in to browse?"
The 2 men kindly respond with "Oh sure hun, here's a basket for you. It'll be right here a'waitin'. We will be right here a waitin'. We'll keep an eye on it for you darl"
So.. so far, so good.
I WALK OVER NEXT DOOR TO A MOTHERFUCKING DESERTED CAFE. I sit outside in the smokers' area. NOT ONE PERSON IS SITTING OUTSIDE BUT ME WITH MY MOTHERFUCKING ICE TEA AND DUNHILL BLUE CIGARETTES..and a lighter BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT!
SOME DOUCHE-BAG WAITER APPROACHES ME AND GOES, "so, would you like to order?' and i says politely, "Oh no, I'm just sitting here to smoke a cigarette for 5 minutes.. There are no benches around." HE GOES (I can tell he's getting pissy, asshole motherfucker) "YOU CAN'T JUST SIT HERE; YOU HAVE TO ORDER THERE'S A PARK 500M AWAY GO THERE"... Okay, okay.. I pause for a second and I'm STILL polite (I don't know why) "Yes sir but, I just put my bags into the store next door, the vintage one because they are heavy and I'm JUST about to go in. I can't just stand around for too long.. I have Parkinson's.." I HAD TO RESORT TO JUSTIFYING MYSELF AND EXPLAINING MY FUCKING MEDICAL NEUROLOGICAL ILLNESS - SITUATION-AY TO THE SPHINCTER STRANGER ASSHOLE WHO SERVED ME. So, he goes "OKAY THEN OKAY THEN YOU SIT THERE FINE"..
MOTHERFUCKER, Y U HATIN'? Y U HATIN'? I called up my friend Johanna, (my best friend in this continent; my best friend is my fiancé) she is in her 5th year of Medicine. Next year is her last. She's coming back up to Melbourne for 6 weeks on the 23rd. She's working in hospital just outside of Melbourne living with her gorgeous boyfriend of 3 years. We talk and text back and forth everyday. She's my rock. So, I'm on a rant to her over the phone for almost 30 minutes.
YEAHHHH MOTHERFUCKING DOUCHE-BAG WAITER WITH YOUR HIPSTER CLOTHING AND YOUR FUCKING "HARD ROCK" T-SHIRT.
WHAT CHU GON' DO? WHAT CHU TALKIN' BOUT WILLIS?
YEAH, KEEP LOOKIN AT ME THROUGH THE WINDOW. YOU CAN HEAR ME BITCHING BOUT YO IGNORANT ASS!
I explained what happened when I walked back into the vintage store and the man agreed with me entirely. He was even like,"WHERE IS THE CAFE? WHERE THE BITCH AT? WHERE HE AT?" Well not exactly the last part but you know what I'm saying. He did agree that it was PREPOSTEROUS!
Thing is douche-bag asshole cracker hipster waiter, me sitting outside where it's deserted actually LOOKS like I'm a customer and to Melbournians - if a place is packed or full, it's "GOTTA" be popular. You don't want to go to a deserted cafe or restaurant in Melbourne. AWWW NAWWW. THERE'S TOO MUCH CHOICE ON EVERY DAMN CORNER! That is a tip from a person who has lived in Melbourne, the metropolitan cosmopolitan city (Most liveable city in the world by Huffington Post) all her life.
ANYWHO, PEOPLE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SIT OUTSIDE AT A GODDAMN TABLE AT A CAFE JUST TO SIT OR HAVE A SMOKE WITHOUT BUYING ANY OVERPRICED BULLSHIT FROM THE MENU WHEN THERE'S NOWHERE ELSE TO SIT BUT THE MOTHERFUCKING CEMENT WITH FUCKING CIGARETTE BUTTS AND DIRT AND SHIT AND GOD KNOWS WHAT VVRRYWHERE. GODDAMNIT. IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY WITH YOU PEOPLE, ISNT IT?
-OHHH YOU CAN'T SIT HERE WITHOUT ORDERING SOMETHING, CAN YOU? I GUESS I'LL HAVE A $6 CUP OF COFFEE.
FUCK AWF. NAW. HELL. NAW.
I bet if I was 60 years older, it wouldn't have been a problem. MAYBE NOT THOUGH! YOU NEVER FUCKING KNOW WITH PEOPLE. SCUMBAGS. EAT MY DICK.. MY SCHWEDDY BALLS. EAT THEM... EAT IT. JUST EAT IT, eat it!
No comments:
Post a Comment